Category: Uncategorized

29th October 2019

Laugh Love Live??? – you’re joking, right?!

My daughter came into my room this morning to show me the cover of a notebook she’d embellished herself – “Laugh Love Live” it said, and she’d coloured all the spotty cover in different bright colours. She’s 9, and there’s not much I love more than seeing her laugh, love, and live life fully. The thing I love even more is when I do it too, or when we do it together! 

So, are you a mum who’s thinking about changing the direction of your life, wanting to do something new? Maybe you’re feeling smaller than you like to admit, or stuck?

Perhaps the first months or years of being a mum have changed your priorities in life, your work, your family?

This is soooo normal! You are not alone!!

The question is, what are you going to do with this desire? This yearning?

You experience boredom, frustration and resentment at being “just a mum” now, or trying to find some work that pays enough to cover the childcare costs, in an attempt to stay sane, or have your own income. You rarely feel like a great mum, and you often catch yourself counting down the hours to bedtime, the days to the weekend, the weeks to the next treat, or the years… And – oh boy – doesn’t time go so fast now?

And in those outbursts of frustration, you wish your life could be different! You wish YOU could be different! You wish you could reinvent your life so that you feel like you’re “enough” again. Maybe rekindle some of the spirit you embodied BEFORE!

You wish you knew how. You wish you knew what.

The truth is, motherhood does funny things to us, doesn’t it? It changes the way we see ourselves, and the world around us. Our body’s change, our values, and our priorities. In fact – pretty much everything! We aren’t the person we were before, and we never can be again.

And sometimes, in those rare moments of calm and tranquillity, seeds of an idea bubble up… then pop only too soon. Elusive, but real. It’s the kind of idea that just occurs – often when you’re least expecting it! It’s like a glimpse of what might be, and it expands the heart with that strange feeling in your chest… They seem promising in the dark of night, but in the cool light of day, they fade. Along with your confidence, and the clarity you had in that glimpse of magic…

But then, reality bites, and meals need to be cooked, shopping needs to be done, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, kids dropped off, picked up, some work in between. And before we know it, the idea is not revisited for far too long.

The weeks, months and years tick by. And nothing really changes.

And that’s where I come in.

I know from experience HOW LONG it can take to get something off the ground all on your own! I know how hearing the doubts of those around you, or inside your head, create an endless path of procrastination.

I also know how investing money in yourself feels impossible, when in fact it’s really the only viable option! Because somewhere inside, we don’t really believe we – or our idea – is worth it…

I know how every little excuse is carefully disguised as a real “reason”.

I know how fear can halt all progress, and force you to retreat back to the beginning.

But I also know that giving up is really the only way to fail. And that any other failure is only an opportunity to learn.

I also know that “reasons” are either surmountable, or illusional. Nothing else.

I can hear you say “What???”. And I say, “Let me show you…”

I know that when you make your dream crystal clear, and you start taking small inspired steps towards it each and every day, you begin to change your life. And you begin to step into the power that is you. The power that has been eroded over the years – by parents or teachers, or partners or birth experiences!

I know without a doubt you are 100% unique; 100% awesome.

I know that having someone on side, who truly believes in you, but isn’t afraid to challenge your thinking or your excuses, will get you further along that track in a fraction of the time! You will make glorious progress, rather than going round in never-ending circles.

So, if you’re serious about change, instead of just wishing or hoping, get in touch, and see if this is for you. That life you want may be nearer than you think.

I cannot give you the answers. But I can help you find yours!

I cannot do the work for you. But you will be accountable to me!

And when you can’t believe in you; I will!

If you’d like to know more, book your RECREATE ME! Discover Call NOW, and let’s get going!

 

As some of you know, I was adopted. And it’s a story that has defined much of my life.

Over the years I’ve spent a lot of time feeling “lost”. Without knowing who or where I came from, how could I know who I was meant to be? I didn’t have the looking glass most people grow up with and take for granted. Add to that – or perhaps because of that – I didn’t feel as though I fitted in with my new family. I just wasn’t like them – no-one “got” me. I felt like a loner, an outsider, and was seen as a bit of a trouble-maker, with a rebellious streak – kicking and pushing against the constraints that were imposed upon me. When all I wanted was to “belong”!

By my late teenage years, I became very shy. I didn’t want to stand out. I barely spoke. And I literally hid at times! I retreated into a kind of “solitary confinement” – an appropriate punishment for being born out of wedlock, to a mother who never wanted me.

On rare occasions, I managed to flip it around, and momentarily glimpse a very different reality where I could be whomever, and whatever I wanted. I could be “free”! I could invent, and reinvent myself entirely, to my heart’s desire! And that was liberating. Briefly. Until old habits would kick in, and bring me back to the “old me” – however hard I tried to escape.

But when I left home, it was a different story. The only way was forwards… and I never looked back (for long).

I went from one thing to another, from flat to house, from job to contract, from strength to strength. It felt like the world was my oyster – and it was!

My family didn’t understand or approve of the way I chose to live my life. But I just carried on, forging my own way.

Until, that is, around the time I became a mum…

Around 6 months through my pregnancy, my mum died. While she was ill in the months and years the preceded her death, we had become close, and so the loss I experienced was a double whammy.

So, there I was, a new mum, grieving for my mum. Sleep-deprivation, anxiety, and depression played havoc with my head. My life had turned upside-down. I was completely unable to function as “before”, and I struggled to come to terms with (accidentally) becoming a full-time mum. That had not been the plan! I wasn’t earning any money, and my confidence was dropping by the day. I lost my “identity”, my kudos, my security. I had become a “dependent”, with a dependent. Which was scary, seeing as I was the most independent person I knew! It was like taking the fast-track back to that “lost” insecure child I’d once been.

I lost my “voice” – again. I found myself comparing myself to everyone else (unfavourably), and feeling lonely and isolated. I resented being in this position, but I felt powerless to do much about it.

Armed with my little one as a shield, and with my “I’m good” mask firmly in place, I ventured out into the world. A shadow of my former self. Into a place full of strangers, where the only stranger was me.

And so I traipsed through the next few years of my life, increasingly feeling cut off from “me” and the world. Numb. Things got so bad, that I withdrew from nearly everyone. Even me and my husband were on our own separate tracks – running kind of parallel, but not in tandem.

…My second child, my daughter came kicking and screaming into the world. Head-strong from the outset, she served as the most-needed and apt reminder of the force-to-be-reckoned-with I had once been. It was like holding up a mirror and saying “look at you now”! I realised that not only was I not happy with my life – I wasn’t happy with ME. And I sure as hell, felt a far cry from the “me” I wanted to be! She was a real wake-up call.

I decided enough was enough. I had to draw a line under it, and start turning things around.

Trouble was, I didn’t know how to do this! I mean, if you’re lost, how can you find your way home?! Isn’t that just the greatest irony?

…I looked for signs, I read self-help books, and began to find groups online of people who I resonated with. And things began to change.

And bit by bit, I began to realise I hadn’t been “lost” after all. It dawned on me – I’d had always been there!

It’s like the coat pile at a party… the first person arrives and throws their coat on the bed in the dimly-lit spareroom, inadvertently landing on top of a handbag. Then the next person arrives and throws their coat on top of that, and so on, and so on, until there’s a mountain of coats piled one on top of the other, completely obscuring the handbag. So when you start looking for the handbag, you naturally assume it’s “lost” because you can’t see it! But then gradually, as all the coats are taken away, one at a time, layer by layer – there, at the bottom is the handbag.

Where it had been… 

all along!